Renewals.

I pushed myself on Sunday to text Jason and Tommy to thank them for "babysitting" me on Saturday night. I had a lovely time with them, and since Eric wasn't there, I felt like I got to show my personality and remind them of why they like me. They responded quickly and nicely, so I was proud of myself for putting myself out there like that, much like I've done in the past but have been hesitant to do lately. Before that, I pushed myself on Saturday to text them to inform them I'd be inviting myself to hang with them that night. This too was responded to quickly and with warmth.

I again pushed myself when on Monday I texted Jason to reiterate that I wanted to get tea with him one afternoon this week. Again, he responded quickly and with warm and receptivity. Hm, that's three times in this one post. Maybe I should be more confident and believe they want to see me/hang out with me? :)

He and I got tea yesterday afternoon, and we got into our nice, familiar place eventually. I was so glad to be back there. He gave me an opening to discuss my feelings about the state of our foursome, and we began on a really nice and honest discussion of what we've been thinking and feeling and (mis)communicating over the last few weeks. I was glad that part of his distance was due to his own feelings of jealousy re: Conor; also due to his introverted persuasion - missing us less when all he was getting anyway was large group hangouts. I said to him several times, "Nothing has changed for us - we would still hang out with you guys all the time, every day." The first few times he'd just look at me, and I thought it was that he was thinking he didn't at all feel the same way. But based on how he explained himself subsequently, I think he couldn't take it what I was saying, couldn't believe that we really did miss him and want to see him that frequently. This, of course, is why it's so necessary to communicate and why it's good for me to trust my instincts about something not being quite right. I'd say that's a strength - my instincts, and my wisdom about knowing a discussion is necessary. Bottom line, I felt much better afterward, and I felt confident that we would all move into a better place...authentically and with awareness of what we all just experienced.

Later that evening Jas texted to ask me to go to a movie with him and Tommy and Justin. I accepted, and Eric joined. It was great to see them and experience that with them. Felt like old times.

Basically, I'm proud of my ability to communicate, and the bravery I exhibited when I saw an opportunity to have this talk with him and immediately went after it and honestly expressed my feelings. Good for me.